Be weird. Be you.

Sometimes you cannot see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.” – Ellen DeGeneres

I struggle to express how uncomfortable this images makes me feel, but I will give it the good’ole college try. I have never had my photo taken by a professional photographer (minus Sears & school photos). This my friends, was a weird and eye opening experience for me. Let’s start this off with, this is a great photo (props to @LaurenScotti)! The person behind the lens, who is creating around you, absolutely matters. Their experience, understanding of subject matter, composition and lighting makes a world of difference. A great photographer even knows how to make your awkward work for you (case in point).  What makes me uncomfortable with this image specifically is the subject. It makes me want to run and hide under a table. It is way to vulnerable for my taste. I like to stand back stage, wear all black, and bring the least amount of attention to myself as possible. In this freaking photo, I am looking directly into the camera and it’s just…me. Through this process, I have learned that me, makes me uncomfortable. Sure, I am confident in who I am, but there is no need to be seen. Right?

Wrong? We get one shot at this life thing and we don’t get a do over.  At least not one that I am aware of. We want to see you! I want to be seen, whether I accept it or not. So why do we accept ourselves as unworthy of being noticed? Unlovable?

The honest answer, because we are scared shitless. The fear of judgement out ways the need to be realized as a worthy contestant. Isolation. Loneliness. It takes the drivers seat sometimes. Our once valiant curiosity for self-discovery diminishes as we loose faith. One of my favorite poems addressed this very struggle. It’s called O me! Oh Life! by Walt Whitman.

O Me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring;   
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;   
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who  more faithless?)   
Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;   
Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;          
Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;   
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?   

That you are here—that life exists, and identity;   
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.

So often we think that our verse doesn’t matter, but what a lie. Your verse matters. My verse matters. Because without them, the play is not the same. This year, I want to find my voice, write my verse with purpose and remind myself that I am freaking worth it. We need to love whatever makes us different and use it to stand out. Support one another and remind each other that the individual matters.

\\ You were not made on accident, you were made for a purpose. As an artist, I love each and everyone of my creations. They are part of me. Expressions of me. I am His creation and that is enough for me.

We should not stand in the shadows because we have accepted that we are undeserving of the light. Shine bright, be weird, be you!

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” R. W. Emerson 

  • August 28, 2014 - 12:03 pm

    Calla - Well said and YAY! You ARE incredible and oh so very worthy of being celebrated. Thank you so much for your honesty in this post, for being a kick-ass photographer, and an all-around beautiful human 🙂ReplyCancel

  • November 23, 2014 - 6:11 pm

    Johnjacobhammerscmidt - You are worthy. You are beautiful. Yesterday I was reminded to live our truths; that it is a gift that if left unopened will be opened by someone else. And we know what happens when someone else opens our gifts.

    I’m struggling with this very same thing. It’s been 3 months now and I haven’t moved. I’ve been caught frozen like a deer in the sight of a hunter. Afraid that I am being chased by the enemy, when really the enemy is me. Afraid to take the next step forward because every step gets steeper and steeper. These last few months I’ve just been telling myself let’s just get through one more day. No stress. No challenges. No emotional situations that take my sensory into overdrive. Let me just stay right here, it’s comfortable. But I can’t stay here. And you can’t either.

    Yesterday I was asked, “what if you saw you walk through the door? How would you treat them? What would you do?”

    I said, “I would try and comfort them. Tell them that they are loved and that they have great potential.”

    They said, “No. That is the logical side. What about the spiritual side.”

    “I’m sorry.”

    I would tell them, “I’m sorry, and I would cry.”

    Sometimes, we can give all the compassion and love and understanding to everyone around us in the world, and skip over the person that needs it most. Ourselves.

    Finding compassion for yourself. Learning to love yourself. I don’t know how to do that. Sure I can practice selfishness, but that’s not the same. I think what he is trying to tell me is… If you believe that God is all forgiving, and all loving. Then what’s stopping you to Love yourself in all entirety?

    Then he shared one last thing. “When you’re speaking, when your teaching, when you’re just doing your thing… People are not looking at that quirk, that weird thing your self conscious about. Sure you worry that they notice. You worry that they’re going to judge what you say, or what you look like, but, they’re not judging you. What they’re really taking in is what you’re saying… They’re there because of the message you’re bringing out, and the message is Your Truth.” Are you living your truth? As long as you continue forward; every hiccup, every pain, every mistake, every scar, it’s all apart of it. You are not alone, you are loved, and have faith that the message you have for the world matters…don’t keep them waiting.ReplyCancel